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Brother's Keeper
By daniel | May 9, 2004
Hi.
I think I?ll build this week?s letter around three citations ? two wonderful statements from men much wiser than me, and one absolute tragedy of a remark. Let?s start with the tragedy.
The other day I heard a woman on TV describing her ten-year class reunion. She had been concerned about whether old rivalries and grudges still lingered and about how she stood with her peers. In summing up what she had learned from the experience she tearfully declared, “It?s not about who?s smart or about who?s prettier. It?s about what people really think of you.”
I paused and looked at my wife and had to laugh out loud to keep from crying. I understand the need for acceptance, but the unchecked shallowness of such a statement rocked me. These people graduated high school with me. One would hope that by now they might know better. To sum up the meaning of life with “It?s about what people really think of you” leaves echoes of meaninglessness bouncing around in my mind. I hurt for her. She?s empty.
But we can learn something from her. Last week Al spoke to us about honor, among other things. He said that if I love someone, that love will be expressed in the way I honor them. Paul would agree. Take a moment and read Philippians 2:3-4. We are instructed, “with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” It?s not about who?s smart or about who?s prettier. It?s about what we really think of other people. Honor is not about having a low opinion of another and treating them well because you have good manners. Honor is about having an appropriate view of yourself and an appropriate view of the value God places on the other, thus acquiring a high opinion of the other?s real importance. You are God?s beloved. Therefore, pretty or smart or holy or not, you are important to me. When I?m sane ? that is, when I have the mind of Christ ? you are more important to me than me.
In his song Brother?s Keeper Rich Mullins, one of the greatest songwriters I have ever encountered, makes a statement that has resonated in me, to the good of the church, for years. He says, “I will be my brother?s keeper, / not the one that judges him. / I won?t despise him for his weakness. / I won?t regard him for his strength. / I won?t take away his freedom; / but I will help him learn to stand. / And I will, I will be my brother?s keeper.”
That?s brilliant. I have been despised for my weakness. Consequently, I have found myself tempted, at times, to cover my weaknesses, or at least to live in the relative sedation of anonymity. I have also been regarded for my strength. That is just as lonely. When you are valuable to someone because of what you bring to the table, you are not a person, you are a commodity. And there is no room for you to be weak. I do not want to be valued because of what I offer. I need to be regarded important because I am your brother, and for no other reason. If I am weak, put up with me. If I am strong, I am glad to be useful. But in any case, I am your brother. Be my keeper. I will be yours, and I have no inclination to adjust my posture toward you on the basis of your performance.
That brings us to our final citation. John Ortberg, in his wonderful book Everybody?s Normal Till You Get to Know Them, points out that we have got to engage each other “as is.” He references discount stores where certain articles are marketed with tags declaring they will only be sold “as is.” That?s also the only way we can embrace each other. You can?t love someone as you wish they were. You can?t accept the man I want to be. You can accept the man I am. I can honor the person you are, but only as you are. If I love you, I will devote myself to presenting you one day spotless before the glory of God, complete in Christ. As Rich said, I will help you learn to stand. But my attitude toward you will not be based on your progress (or lack thereof) toward that goal. I can only be your keeper as you are.
That is the only way you can love your wife. Just like she is. You both know she isn?t perfect. You both know she isn?t the woman she wants to be. But she is the woman God loves. As she is. So that is how you take her. That woman, just as she is, is the woman you are to honor with your costly love.
That is the only way you can love your husband. Just like he is. He knows as well as you that he isn?t half the man he wants to be, on his best day. But he is the man God loves. As he is. So that is how you take him. That man, just like he is, is the man you are to honor with your reverence and submission.
This holds true in every human relationship. We are who we are, not who we are becoming. Thus, if we are to be accepted, if we are to accept, it must be “as is.” If we will do this, if we will honor and love one another in our acutely unfinished states, we will earn one another?s trust. We?ll find a safe place to grow up into Christ in the company of the saints, our family. God?s family.
So decide. Be your brother?s keeper just as he is. Take responsibility. Because it?s not about who?s smart or pretty or weak or strong. It?s about what you really think about other people. So decide to think of them as more important than yourself and act on that idea. Then keep acting on it, regardless of how they respond. That?s the mind of Christ.
Your brother,
Virgil
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