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Communication - Attentiveness
By daniel | February 2, 2005
“Most people never listen.”
Ernest Hemmingway
This is the first in a series of essays based on my reading of The Revolutionary Communicator, by Jedd Medefind and Erik Lokkesmoe.
Attentiveness
Modern technology has given us so many ways to communicate. 100 years ago, you could either write a letter or talk to someone in person. Now, in addition to actual talking and “snail-mail,” as it's called now, you can email, fax, phone, instant-message, and send text messages to someone's cell phone. You'd think that with all these avenues for communication, we'd all be paid a bit more attention, no? The fact is, we're all starving for attention. Starving for someone to actually care about us and listen.
All too often the case goes like this: Joe is telling me a story - some story - I'm not really listening. I'm formulating my response, based on the summary that I'm trying to gather from what he's saying, or from some sentence he said halfway through his somewhat-tedious story. Is it a story about how something is sad for him? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Joe. or, maybe just a nod and a sad look will do.
See, I don't want to get involved in what Joe is talking about. If I actually care about this or whatever it is that Joe is talking about, then it might cost me something. It might make me feel guilty if I don't help or something. And nobody wants that weight, especially me. But what if I listened. What if I allowed myself to care what he has to say? What if I care about who he is?
Attentiveness isn't passive. It doesn't just wait for something to be cast upon it. It is actively looking around for those who desperately need… something. Those who noone will just listen to.
Attentiveness isn't a skill. It's more. For those of us who are so used to “getting business done,” and for whom conversations are just a means to accomplishing our goals, attentiveness will resemble more of a discipline — something we must work at.
If you notice a lack of compassion and care in your conversations similar to the one I've described and seen in myself, and if you care to change, here are a few thoughts:
* Don't multitask during conversations. No matter how great at multitasking you are, you'll never really connect to the person you're talking to if you can't give it your full attention.
* Ask questions. Become a pro at asking probing questions that give you sight into the matter and into the other person — this will also engage them, and the quality of your questions will show how much you do actually want to connect with them.
* Make sure you are clear. If you're not sure exactly what they are saying, rephrase it back to them. Ask if you are understanding correctly.
These are just a few thoughts, as we seek to actually love each other well, and communicate instead of just passing information.
Brother Daniel of Nashville
Topics: Spirituality - Essays |
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